Please, Ladies....

Get out of the habit of explaining yourself.  

You don't need to qualify your "no" for the benefit of the person on the other end of the conversation.  Truth be told, you're doing that for YOU.  It's a sign of insecurity.  Someone who doesn't want you to make the decision you're making is going to try to dispute your reasoning in an effort to get you to change your mind, and if you're really gut-wrenchingly honest with yourself, you want them to.  You subconsciously want to feel like they didn't want to let it go, but the fact of the matter is, in many cases, they just don't want to let you go on YOUR terms.  They'll pull you back in, waste a shitload more of your time and have you mad at yourself in the end that you didn't just follow your gut in the first place.

It's crazy how often black women, in particular, do this.  It's not that it's not understandable because we've been conditioned to take care of everyone but ourselves, so when we make a decision for ourselves that we know might make someone else feel a way, we automatically prioritize the other person's feelings over ours.  This isn't so much insecurity as it is culture, but you have to understand how you're still doing yourself a disservice.  If you want to be taken seriously, you need to stand on your word when it's given.

It's one thing if you're uncertain and you need a little more information.  In that case, there needn't even be any definitive stance taken (out loud) but the second you determine that something isn't for you, let your "no" stand alone.  Stop creating space for someone to manipulate you.  

Example:

[After some unsettling conversation with someone you just met, you don't feel comfortable proceeding with getting to know each other]

The Wrong Way

Them: So, this is done then?

You: Well yeah, because I just [insert reasoning here].

Them: [Insert dispute].

The Right Way

Them: So, this is done then?

You: Yes, it is.

[Understand, you may still get some feedback at this point, but more often than not, it won't be the type of feedback that threatens your stance.]

Again, stop creating space for people to manipulate you.  By the same token, ladies (and I think I've spoken about this before), stop putting "LOL" after everything you say (text obvi).  If you meant that shit from the depths of your soul, you just said WTF you said.  "LOL" after everything is also insecurity, and creates a climate within that interaction where you don't seem confident.  It's an unlabeled request for permission to say what you're saying.  PLEASE stop doing that.  Especially those of you who are on a quest for self love and identity in this crazy time.  It's a very easy way to start feeling better about yourself, though it does take conscious effort and intentionality to break the old habit.  

You have a right to be definitive.  

You have a right to express yourself.

You have a right to rebuke anything and anyone that does not feel good to your soul.  

Just remember that "No" is a complete sentence.  Put a period after it.