Family Ties

There's no other place I could have possibly ended up tonight but in here.

For starters, my mother came into town yesterday. I had been dreading it, to be perfectly honest, because with the exception of the couple of emails that set up this trip, we hadn't spoken since 4th of July weekend and it wasn't the fuzziest of partings. The midgets were dreading it too because she's got a tendency to be miserable and crotchety when she's here to the point that I often wonder why she even bothers. But to my surprise, she was refreshingly upbeat and, dare I say, pleasant LOL. She looked incredible too - like 15 pounds lighter and 10 years younger type incredible. Telling her so seemed to make her beam even more and I had this strange sense of gladness that I was able to. Like it would linger in her thoughts. I hope it does.

I didn't attend the party with her both because I didn't want to (LOL) and because I had other plans. My cousin had put together a surprise birthday dinner for my aunt. We have been trying to get together for all the time I've been down here but just haven't been able to make it happen, so when I got the text about the shindig and it was in a place I knew I could get to, I was all in. Something I haven't divulged yet is that a few weeks ago, I got a call from my father. I missed it, so he left me a voice mail. My call back resulted in a voice mail as well and we still haven't connected. I had no real idea who would be at the dinner but I knew he wouldn't have flown up from Detroit on such notice. It didn't stop me from briefly imagining his among the faces I might scan as I entered the restaurant, but I knew he wouldn't be there.

And he wasn't.

But I had the pleasure of sharing the evening with his near-twin, my uncle, who I adore despite not having spoken to him in at least 8 or 9 years and not having seen him in - get this - 24. TWENTY-FOUR YEARS. In fact, I hadn't seen anybody in that room in that long, with the exception of my aunt, who I saw about 16 years ago, when my sister died. Ain't that some crazy shit? But even though it had been that long since I had been around them, it wasn't awkward, uncomfortable or anything and I didn't feel at all like an outsider. Though I hadn't seen her, my aunt had been the glue that kept me in the family fold, making sure she kept in touch over the years, sent birthday money to the midgets, who she still has never met, and being instrumental in the hopeful reconnection I'm on the brink of making with my father. She's the reason I have any relationship at all with my father's side of the family and I am grateful. I wouldn't have missed this opportunity to celebrate her for the world. And I had such a good time with everybody. SUCH a good time. My uncle and I have promised to do a better job being in touch and seeing each other, as did his daughter and I. Now 31, she was like 8 the last time I saw her.... SMH. I'm 39 years old and I've never had pictures of myself with anyone from that side of my family before tonight. It's kind of a big deal.

Now the only thing I want out of life is to have a picture of myself with my father. There's no safety in that desire. At all. But though hope is frail, it's hard to kill.