4 Quarters

Mm hmm.

16 Signs It’s Time To Leave A Place You Once Loved | Thought Catalog

16 Signs It’s Time To Leave A Place You Once Loved | Thought Catalog


This is coming up more and more every day. I was just having this conversation (for the umpteenth time) with my mother yesterday, a guy I recently met over the weekend and also with one of my girlfriends just last week. People, listen. You are not getting any younger or growing any less miserable sitting in your rut waiting for better. "Better" doesn't generally make house calls. YOU have to go to IT. Don't know where "better" is? Okay. Go FIND it. Maybe you don't know WHAT "better" is - that's okay too. You know why? Because you can CREATE it. "Better" can be whatever, wherever and most importantly WHENEVER you want it to be so why not be, have, get and do better NOW? What's gonna change in a year of sitting around waiting for some great thing to occur that didn't change in the last year of sitting around waiting for it? Well.... other than another year of your life going by that you'll never get back, not a damn thing. One thing I can guarantee is that you WILL look back one of these days and say to yourself, "Damn. I wasted so much time," and you'll wish you had done any one of a million things so much sooner.

I don't like to speak about my transition from there to here because I cant seem to do it without becoming super emotional but that's just how big an impact that move had on my life. Good, bad or indifferent I NEEDED to go. I couldn't breathe. And now, even in my moments of struggle and difficulty, no matter what other decisions of mine I may question, the one thing I never second-guess is that decision to move. That place was changing me into something I didn't recognize and again, more importantly, something I didn't like. I was starting to hate myself and all my shenanigans and the only thing I was sure about was that there were going to be more. A lot more. It takes me back to the conversation I had with my mother about why she attempted to uproot us to Florida at the worst possible time in my life for her to do it. She felt like she was losing herself and she didn't have the strength anymore to fight it. I was at that point. When you get there, what is there to question? You need change to SAVE YOUR LIFE. And if you have kids... WHAT? #comeonson

All that to say this: know when it's time. If you don't recognize when one chapter of your life has closed, your story can go unwritten for much longer than you can afford. When people say life is short, its just to motivate you to get up and do some shit (that you probably ought to do) sooner than your complacency would manage. Truth is life is LONG and you can spend those years moving closer to happy or you can be miserable for no damn reason. What do you choose?

Expired Chicken

This is why I love my kids LOL

So I take the chicken thighs out of the fridge, open them and start to rinse and clean them in the kitchen sink. I get to thinking, damn.... this chicken might be borderline bad. It doesn't smell super rank or anything but it feels a little slimier than Im used to. Might just be a fatty, slimy pack, I mean some are better than others. I double check the expiration date just for shits and giggles and yeah, its expired, but the chicken had been in the freezer up until about 4 or 5 days ago. It took at least 2 days to thaw out in the fridge so...... we should be..... good? Dammit, this is the last pack of chicken, we aint throwing this shit away! LOL I throw it in a bowl, season it within an inch of its life and throw it back in the fridge.

But then my conscience kicks in. What if its bad though? Yes, it is the last of the chicken, but is it worth the risk of getting sick? Maybe LOL. I go to Googling. "Best way to cook possibly expired chicken" LOL Yeah, I know, but WTF was I supposed to search? LOL Essentially the net left me with "cook the hell out of it and pray for the best" so I call a family meeting. It was sheer comedy explaining to the midgets that the chicken MIGHT not be so fresh and that I had a concern about cooking it. My daughter had a horrified expression on her face which I only wish I had taken a picture of but my son was like nigga, we aight, you better cook that chicken LOL So against my better judgment, I said fuck it. We aint got it like that to be throwing shit away. And its a FAMILY pack at that! LOL My daughter comes in the room about an hour later saying, "Mom.... I just want to let you know that that expired chicken you're cooking smells FANTASTIC!" LMAOOOO!

#raiseemright

#message

Lucky Me

I hate these periods when I feel like the Lord is telling me to wait to do something I so badly want to do, not just now, but RIGHT now. I want to leave this job so damn bad, I actually sit and day dream about different ways to quit LOL. But the interviews I've gone on haven't worked out - for lack of a fit on either my part or theirs - and I have to admit I've been fucken KILLING the game the last couple months at work. I've been slaying so much that the bitch we all hate pulled me to the side last Thursday and told me she appreciated me and I should leave a little early to start enjoying my long weekend. She aint have to tell me twice.

And I woke up at 4am today with Jay-Z on the brain HARD. I don't know what that means cause my 4am with Jesus usually doesn't come with a soundtrack but "Lucky Me" was playing over and over in my head. Those of you who are familiar with the song will recognize the hook: "You only know what you see. You don't understand what it takes to be me." Those of you who aren't should be in mid-google right about now, getting your life. Aside from it being [arguably] my favorite Jay-Z song ever, it resonates so much in my life right now, its almost not weird that it seeped into my Jesus time. In different ways, of course, but......... let's just say that a series of conversations I've had with people over the last couple of weeks made it very clear to me - people think shit is sweet. They have NO idea..... but you know what? They shouldn't. So Ima leave that right there.

Things are not 100% the way I want them to be but they are slowly but surely evolving into.... something. A lot of it I like. I don't really know what the finished product will look like but I definitely feel change afoot and I welcome it. Too soon to go into detail about most of it but...... I am finding that as long as I remain open, I can still be surprised.

I like surprises.

I Aint Nobody's Jesus

I aint nobody’s Jesus
But I’ve died a thousand and one deaths to let some other live
Thrown myself on my own sword to give
Some other an opportunity they never take
To grow… Learn… Love
The way God intended
Or at least the God in me, but I mean

I aint nobody’s Jesus
Still I never leave home without a pocket full of nails
Just in case there’s some sacrifice to be made along the way
On any given day, I tell you….
I am likely to propel myself clean off the top of mount anywhere
Just to spare some soul the devil’s already changed a 20 for

Like I’m somebody’s Jesus
But here I am, once again,
Taking a loss up on this cross… Well…. cross-ROADS anyway
Just so I can keep the fantasy and you’ll be able to say
That there is still some love in your life that you haven’t tainted
Still someplace where you’re appreciated……. For once, not hated
Understanding finds its way in the silence and suddenly I want that for you too

I aint your Jesus, but I’ll do it……… for you.

One thousand and TWO.