She Aint Slick

So I told yall the other day my mama been emailing me, asking me dumb ass questions lately, right? The next email after the area code bullshit got straight ignored. You can call your grandkids (at least the one of em who’s speaking to you LOL) and ask them when their school play is on. Stop fuckin talking to me.

The last email she sent me was that my aunt said she had been trying to call me and could never get through, like something was wrong with my phone, so please call her.

NO. LOL.

You aint slick. First of all, aint a damn thing wrong with my phone. All FOUR of them work just fine, LOL and you’ve called two of them yourself, so you know that. Second of all, Im not stupid. Do you really think I don’t know that you want me to talk to her so she can ask me to put some people up for the family reunion next month? You know good and damn well YOU cant ask me, my sister know good and damn well I have no intention on doing it, so she AINT gonna ask me LOL, so you get my dear, dear, aunt, who you know I care deeply for, to call and guilt me into it. Aint that some shit?

Here’s the thing yall. I don’t even know if Im going to participate in the family reunion festivities. Yes indeed, I will go holla at the visiting relatives, which include my other sister and a couple cousins that I haven’t seen in a very long time, but I don’t wanna be obligated to anything. I want to have the freedom to come and go as I please, IF I please, and not have people looking to me for anything, and that might be selfish of me, but I just don’t feel like being bothered. I just kinda feel like I never told yall I was doing this. I aint ordered no t-shirt, voted on nothing, matter of fact, I believe I originally said I didn’t even know if I would be in town for it, so how is it that my name comes up at all? It might not be so bad if certain people weren’t CONSTANTLY trying to force things on me and volunteer me for shit. I am a very nice person, I’d probably OFFER to do most things, but when you try to guilt me, like my mother is notorious for doing, or back me into a corner like I don’t have a choice, I feel that much more compelled to show you that I do. In all honesty though, Ive always been the family wildcard. On any given holiday, it was anybody’s guess whether I was gonna show up or not, and when I did, you’d better hope you were present, because I’d be gone just as fast as I appeared, and you’d be mad if you missed me, like Halley’s Comet LOL. There’s reasons for that though.

Its not that I don’t love my family – I do, even my mama who I cant damn stand – but they just dysfunctional as hell. Most people would say their family was somewhat dysfunctional, but there is really something wrong with these people LOL. I aint never seen so much drama in my life. At any given time, somebody in our family aint talking to somebody else. Sometimes the reason is valid, but usually isn’t, and either way, Christmas dinner, Thanksgiving dinner, Summer cookout, whatever – somebody gonna get into it. My family consists of primarily women, and there is a lot of jealousy whirling around. That drives people to comment where they shouldn’t, and react more strongly to comments than they should, and nobody knows how to let go of NOTHIN. They will get into it about some shit that happened 14 years ago, no bullshit, and then expect for everybody else to pick sides. What? LOL And when I say they get into it, I mean they GET INTO IT. Them fools will fistfight like people in the street right over your plate LOL. My two fifty-something year old aunts got into a fight last summer at the family reunion **smh** Im glad I wasn’t there, I just have a low tolerance for shit like that. And that’s why I make my appearances short and infrequent. I have learned the signs of shit bout to go down and when I see them, Im out. Yall wont get yall “crazy” on me LOL But truth be told, I think that is the reason a lot of the people who moved away, moved, and why some family members refuse to come up here for stuff. Don’t nobody wanna be bothered with that shit. That’s just like how no man wants to be bothered with no naggin, bitchin, miserable ass woman LOL. TOTALLY get it LOL.

So I really don’t feel like I am going to participate in this reunion stuff like that, and the weekend its supposed to be, I will be just getting back from outta town, so I already know I aint gonna feel like being bothered with no house guests. I know Im gonna get the full court press in the next two weeks cause time is winding down, but I know some of yall read this blog, so Im telling yall now, it aint lookin good….