Healing hearts

Fresh off this morning’s couch session, my thoughts….

A broken heart isn’t so different than any other wound. When it’s fresh, it’s often painful to the touch and visible to the naked eye. When it heals, it becomes less so; no longer hurting and much less visible, sometimes as if it never existed. How long it takes to get from one point to another can be long or short, depending on how you nurse it in the between time. True of most injuries, it itches when it begins to heal, but while scratching it may provide temporary relief, it can often cause more damage. The same is true of a broken heart (i.e., impulse drives you to place one more call… but it goes unanswered… and now that scab has been compromised and the healing process must begin again). Scabs form to protect the wound while it heals – its best to leave them in place until such time that they fall off on their own. The same is true of the anger, numbness, and all those other feelings that often creep in as you struggle toward normalcy. Let them run their course. They will eventually fall away too, and just as healed wounds grow into new skin, a healed heart can love again.

#livingproof

Why dont I have my own reality show again?

So yall know I love and hate my job at the same damn time. Despite the aggravation I sometimes have to endure, I really had no intentions on leaving until after I finish my Masters this summer and find something I can do long-term. That being said, I get a call last week from a recruiter who stumbled across my resume online. I forgot the damn thing was even still posted, but that’s neither here nor there lol…… We get to talking about the opportunity, which is back in the industry I’ve spent most of my career in and paying really great money. The company is a difficult one to get into in this position, so I have no expectations, but I humor an interview earlier this week, which I SLAY. The dude pretty much tells me he is going to recommend me for the job so it’s now just a matter of him notifying the recruiter guy and HR working out the details, etc.

Now Im bugging cause I woke up that morning debating if I was even gonna go to the damn interview since I really didn’t think I had a shot in hell of getting it. When I decided to go on ahead and go, I threw on my city girl shit and walked in there without a care in the world, no pressure, cause again, I figured there was no way in hell I was really gonna get it, so why should I stress? Lo and behold, the guy loves me and now Im really considering making this move.

So I realize that I forgot to grab the guy’s card before I left and I wanted to send a thank you email so this morning I call the recruiter guy who set it all up and ask if he’s got the guy’s email address. He goes, “No I don’t, actually, he’s no longer with the company. What did you do to the guy, kill him? He's just gone!"

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

What? LOL Dude! I totally thought he was kidding. Homie was dead ass serious – dude up and quit that bitch, no warning, no nothing. The recruiter dude aint even know what happened, son just bounced LOL. So in between bouts of laughter at his own cluelessness about how to proceed, the recruiter says he’s gonna see about getting me back in next week with a different manager. I said okay but I gotta tell ya…. IDK if Im going back to that muthafucka LOL. I mean this guy, who was in a MANAGEMENT position, straight dropped the mic on they asses. Something aint right with the milk. The money was good – REAL good – but I recall how stressful that work was and it’s a lot of the reason I was looking to get out of it in the first place. The manager I met with reiterated that a couple of different times in talking to me about the job. Not to mention, I had to go all black ops just to get to the interview without alarming my current job. I don’t know if I could pull that off again so soon if I wanted to. So IDK. I think Im gonna have to let this ship go on and sail.

Sigh.

This typa shit only happens to me.

#Truthiness

My life today

Parental tribulations

Watching "Iyanla Fix My Life" I had a moment with my daughter. She was in here while DMX was wigging out on Iyanla for trying to intervene on behalf of his son, who he wouldnt let get a word in edgewise. DMX eventually stormed out of the room. My daughter commented on how sad their situation was and I was moved to advise her how addiction affects families. I was also moved to advise her that families sometimes go through situations like this without addictions involved.

Parenting is hard. Sometimes, I told her, parenting is so hard that it all falls apart and even I sometimes worry that I am not doing enough. Sometimes I worry that I may not be doing the right thing, making the right decisions or being the best parent I can be, but a lot of that comes from wanting so much for your kids to have a better life than you had. Even if you had a good upbringing, a good parent wants their children to have a better life than they had. I do the best I can but sometimes I wonder if they will understand that everything I do is for them, or the sacrifices I have made for them. Im sure they wont really get it, if ever, until they are grown and have kids of their own, but I felt like I needed to have that moment with my daughter, fresh off her first period, to let her know how much I love her and her brother and that they are everything to me. She said to me, "Mommy, you're great. You do more than enough."

I smiled.

She's 11.

I hope she feels the same way 5 years from now.

When preparation meets opportunity.... at the bar LOL

See, it pays to not be a stuck up bitch LOL.

My company called the work day at noon yesterday so we could spend the rest of the day doing a teambuilding scavenger hunt. We were supposed to be in the streets, collecting photos of random ass shit for about 3 and a half hours. My team barely scraped 2 before we said, "Fuck it, let's go to the bar." LOL

Cutting to the chase, while we were there, a guy started a conversation with me that led somehow to me talking about writing. He asked the standard “so you say you’re a writer” questions and I gave the standard responses. Then he got more specific in his questions – specific like now I kinda gotta stop and think about my responses. He pulls out his card and hands it to me saying he might be able to help me get on. I only take him about 70% serious, because he was clearly flirting with me the whole time, but what he told me about his business sounded legit so I figure it couldn’t hurt to look into it. Then right before he left, he says he’s about to hire a freelance editor type to do these pamphlets and brochures for his clients and was I interested. It’s extra money, I can do it part-time AND it will give me experience to build on professionally? Hell yeah, Im interested LOL.

So we speak this morning and he breaks down what he would want me to do. He said he was going to send me a 5-page document that needed to be condensed and edited for content before he could send it off to be made into a brochure. Pretty typical of what I’d normally see from him, he said I should assess the time and effort required to do that one and thus determine what I am going to charge him. I say cool, we hang up. I do just the first paragraph of what he sent me, just to have him look at it and make sure that’s what he’s looking for. He calls back about 10 minutes later like “so……. I also have these business plans” LOL……

So my homework this evening is to revamp document 1 and then do some research as to the going rate of this kind of work. I came up kinda empty on ad hoc editing (I only found a range of salaries) but I think we’ll be able to work out something we can both be happy with. Anybody with suggestions, hit me up.

Let it go