The problem with social media is that it can cause us to be entirely too wrapped up in other people's lives. It can be good if what you see motivates you to do something more than what you've been doing... realize your own potential.... but it can be bad if you see something you feel is lacking in your own life and it can make you depressed or over-analytical of your existence. Look, life is not a competition. Your circumstances are your circumstances. Somebody else's situation is somebody else's situation and many times its nothing like what you perceive it to be. You are just on the outside looking in and you are only looking at what they want you to see.
The most important thing to realize about social media is that people you don't know on a personal level can paint whatever picture they want of themselves and you would be none the wiser if its a total fabrication. Don't live your life based on the lives you THINK other people are living. Do what makes you happy. Achieve your own goals and be your best YOU. Don't compare yourself to other people because many of those people aren't even real - literally and figuratively. Be happy for those who are making strides you know to be true but don't let those things make you feel unworthy either. If anything, let those things incent you to make some strides of your own. If you don't know what you want to do, take some time to figure it out. How can you achieve happiness if you don't know what happiness looks like for you? You have to take the time to think about it and you have to do some things differently if you want to achieve different results. It seems so simple, right? So then... why haven't you figured that out? My guess is because you spend too much time watching other people's updates and getting sucked into the fallacy. Even if its all real, what does it have to do with YOU? Not much, probably. Nothing, I'd guess. Just remember that life is not a competition and if it were, you would be your only rival. Your journey is your own and where you wind up is of your own determination. You can do anything you set your mind to. It sounds cliché but its one of life's few and great truths. If you don't see it for yourself, how can you achieve it? Go. Be great. And if you cant be great, be consistent LOL.
#Imjustsaying
Monday, September 23, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
Longest Day Ever
Got up at 4am to get ready for a 4:45 pickup for transport to the airport for a 6:29 flight. Landed just before 9:30, was transported to the hotel and been working like Miley Cyrus's PR team ever damn since. I am exhausted. The flight was cool, except for the fact that the flight attendant spilled water all over me while I was sleeping. She was trying to open a new bottle of water and was holding it too tight at the time, so water went all over the side of my face, down my neck and down my arm. I aint talking about a little splash either, Im talking about it felt like I had been hit with a water balloon. I wanted to fuck her ass up LOL. Not just because she spilled water all over me but because she sounded like she only said she was sorry because everybody looking expectantly at her ass indicted that she was supposed to. Like 15 seconds went by and all I had gotten was a weak ass "sorry" so Im like "well damn, can I get some napkins?" "Oh... yeah, sure." Really? I had to ask for fucken napkins? SMH.... Then I kept getting hit in the head by the same sloppy ass flight attendant, clumping up and down the aisle. You do this every day, why aint you figured this shit out yet? One of the many reasons I hate aisle seats.
I also had the displeasure today of telling my mother that one of her dearest friends had passed away. If you've been on my Facebook any time in the last few weeks, you'd have seen this guy all over it, talking hella shit to me about any and everything I might have posted simply cause dude always had jokes. And he never let up either. There were plenty of times we would go back and forth and I'd eventually be like "Okay, Ron, you got it" just cause I knew he would never stop LOL. I think Thursday was the last time he, I and my mother had been on my thread, joking around. Saturday night he was dead. I found out last night from my sister who is close to a relative of his but she had no idea what had happened at the time and I didn't want to tell my mother without knowing how he died. My sister followed up with me today, letting me know that it was a massive heart attack, and I carried out the unpleasant duty of breaking the news to my mom. I wasn't cautious, I didn't stall or lend myself to pregnant pauses; all that drama don't make bad news any less bad. My mom lost it. Im talking bout for five whole minutes after I heard her drop the phone, I could still hear her screaming and crying and hitting stuff. I knew she would react that way but sitting through it tore me up inside. Nobody else wanted to tell her and though I didnt want to either, I didnt think anyone else should, and I surely didnt want her to just stumble across it on Facebook. She eventually got back on the phone and said she would call me back after she got herself together. 3 and a half hours later, she sounded okay. We recounted some memories and had a couple laughs until I was comfortable letting her go.
So a long day, indeed it has been. After all that, I came back up to my room (I had just been upgraded to one of my own after originally being told I would have to room up with one of my teammates) washed the day off, changed into my sweats and sat our front of the hotel. As ugly a day as it has been (cold, rainy, irritating and agonizing) it was such a beautiful night. Not even just regular beautiful but the kinda beautiful that makes you not wanna go back inside. I eventually had to cause I have a 6 am start tomorrow, but Lord knows I coulda sat out there all night. In perspective, I think the Lord was paying attention to all I had to go through today so he made a way for me to find some comfort at the end of it, despite everything. I'm thankful that that's the way He works.
RIP to our friend Ron DeBose.
I also had the displeasure today of telling my mother that one of her dearest friends had passed away. If you've been on my Facebook any time in the last few weeks, you'd have seen this guy all over it, talking hella shit to me about any and everything I might have posted simply cause dude always had jokes. And he never let up either. There were plenty of times we would go back and forth and I'd eventually be like "Okay, Ron, you got it" just cause I knew he would never stop LOL. I think Thursday was the last time he, I and my mother had been on my thread, joking around. Saturday night he was dead. I found out last night from my sister who is close to a relative of his but she had no idea what had happened at the time and I didn't want to tell my mother without knowing how he died. My sister followed up with me today, letting me know that it was a massive heart attack, and I carried out the unpleasant duty of breaking the news to my mom. I wasn't cautious, I didn't stall or lend myself to pregnant pauses; all that drama don't make bad news any less bad. My mom lost it. Im talking bout for five whole minutes after I heard her drop the phone, I could still hear her screaming and crying and hitting stuff. I knew she would react that way but sitting through it tore me up inside. Nobody else wanted to tell her and though I didnt want to either, I didnt think anyone else should, and I surely didnt want her to just stumble across it on Facebook. She eventually got back on the phone and said she would call me back after she got herself together. 3 and a half hours later, she sounded okay. We recounted some memories and had a couple laughs until I was comfortable letting her go.
So a long day, indeed it has been. After all that, I came back up to my room (I had just been upgraded to one of my own after originally being told I would have to room up with one of my teammates) washed the day off, changed into my sweats and sat our front of the hotel. As ugly a day as it has been (cold, rainy, irritating and agonizing) it was such a beautiful night. Not even just regular beautiful but the kinda beautiful that makes you not wanna go back inside. I eventually had to cause I have a 6 am start tomorrow, but Lord knows I coulda sat out there all night. In perspective, I think the Lord was paying attention to all I had to go through today so he made a way for me to find some comfort at the end of it, despite everything. I'm thankful that that's the way He works.
RIP to our friend Ron DeBose.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Bootleg Blog
BlogSpot needs an update or some shit. I haven't been able to get backstage on my blog for like a week. Now suddenly today it wants to work. Somebody must heard me talking shit in my head and decided to come off the lunch break, only now I forgot what the hell I was coming in here to say.
Bastards.
Bastards.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Weekend Wrap-up
This might have been one of our best road trips yet.
So me and the midgets are about an hour into our upstate drive when the radio frequency starts getting fuzzy. I tell my son to put a CD in and when he goes to do it, the player ejects a CD that was already in there. We look at each other like WTF? Obviously it belonged to whoever had the rental before us, so Im curious; “who is it?” My son says “Brad Paisley?” I scramble through the database in my mind and can’t come up with any song that he sings but I do know he’s country. I say fuck it, let’s give him a listen.
So we throw 5 other discs in and let Brad be #1. The next hour of that ride was fucken EPIC! This dude has songs about a battered wife taking karate and fucking her abusive husband up LOL, about a man who justified his divorce to the church by declaring that had been dead for 5 minutes before the defib machine revived him (so since he technically died, they should be able to part LOL) and another song about crazy Christians. We rocked all the way out. Our collective favorite though was “Beat This Summer” which is probably a popular track of his because there was an acoustic version of it as a bonus track at the end of the CD. I was gonna turn it in when I returned the car but um….. Yeah. They can’t get that back LOL.
My purpose for being in town turned out to be much less of a reunion than anticipated, but not all for naught. I did stumble across an epic pic of your favorite scum bucket, Stevie J, in a 1990 Ben Franklin yearbook….
Lie your way outta that one, Steebie LOL.
Of the maybe 35 people who came in and out of the room Friday night, about 30 of em graduated in the 70s and I think I only knew 2 of them. One is a former member of the church my family belonged to when I was younger and the other is the uncle of my best friend from high school, who I had a teeny weeny crush on for about 5 minutes (shhh LOL). Hardly worth the drive up here, but I got a bit more of my money’s worth sitting on my girlfriend’s porch, having a good old-fashioned couch session over a couple glasses of something wet. It’s been a few years since we’ve done that – since I’ve been able to do that with any of my friends – but I’d have made the drive all over again just for those couple hours…. And I got the rest of my money’s worth before the weekend was out.
I spent the first half of Saturday responding to 3 of 6 mandatory essay questions for my comprehensive exam and then my girlfriend and I shuffled over to the reunion banquet. One of my childhood mentors who became sort of like a godfather to me was one of the highlighted speakers. He came over to me and almost made me cry telling me how proud he was of me. He prefaced those words with, “If I never get the chance to tell you again…” and it drew my attention to the age and wear on his face. I wondered how much longer I’d have him around and it took me back to the night I had that same conversation with my big brother. Hopefully I wont have to mourn the loss of either one of them for many, many years. I knew my girlfriend and I weren’t going to stay the whole night at the event but I made sure to stay for his speech. He actually dedicated a portion of it to me, telling the audience how he’d known me most of my life and was so proud of the fact that he was instrumental at crucial points in my life and proud of who I have become. Again, I almost lost it, but I kept it together LOL.
There were a handful more people there that night that I knew, most of whom told me how much I had grown to look like my mother. It was like there was a page in the program that instructed anybody who knew her to say so LOL….smh. Its all good though, I am my mama’s child.
A quick drive by to see a couple high school friends at this cookout they were at and then we were off to a local bar near my girlfriend’s house. Saw a couple people I knew there too and I was having a ball with the girlfriend I went with and the other who we called to join us. It was a really good time and only got better when a guy I recently reconnected with came there to hang out with me. I was missing one girlfriend who I definitely owe some time on the next trip, but still, it was the best night I’ve had in a really long time.
I came back to Jersey yesterday and between last night and this morning, finished the last 3 essays I needed to submit for my exam. Now that its really over, I feel the lifted load. It will be 4 to 6 weeks before I know my final grade but Im holding a 3.5 cumulative GPA right now so I feel good about it. Tonight Im supposed to go to a Motown review down in Times Square with a friend of mine. No better way to celebrate than with a Motown review, right? A couple of drinks and a shimmy or two and then its back to life as I know it. Still have some hurdles to clear but Im optimistic. I hope yall had a good weekend too.
So me and the midgets are about an hour into our upstate drive when the radio frequency starts getting fuzzy. I tell my son to put a CD in and when he goes to do it, the player ejects a CD that was already in there. We look at each other like WTF? Obviously it belonged to whoever had the rental before us, so Im curious; “who is it?” My son says “Brad Paisley?” I scramble through the database in my mind and can’t come up with any song that he sings but I do know he’s country. I say fuck it, let’s give him a listen.
So we throw 5 other discs in and let Brad be #1. The next hour of that ride was fucken EPIC! This dude has songs about a battered wife taking karate and fucking her abusive husband up LOL, about a man who justified his divorce to the church by declaring that had been dead for 5 minutes before the defib machine revived him (so since he technically died, they should be able to part LOL) and another song about crazy Christians. We rocked all the way out. Our collective favorite though was “Beat This Summer” which is probably a popular track of his because there was an acoustic version of it as a bonus track at the end of the CD. I was gonna turn it in when I returned the car but um….. Yeah. They can’t get that back LOL.
My purpose for being in town turned out to be much less of a reunion than anticipated, but not all for naught. I did stumble across an epic pic of your favorite scum bucket, Stevie J, in a 1990 Ben Franklin yearbook….
Lie your way outta that one, Steebie LOL.
Of the maybe 35 people who came in and out of the room Friday night, about 30 of em graduated in the 70s and I think I only knew 2 of them. One is a former member of the church my family belonged to when I was younger and the other is the uncle of my best friend from high school, who I had a teeny weeny crush on for about 5 minutes (shhh LOL). Hardly worth the drive up here, but I got a bit more of my money’s worth sitting on my girlfriend’s porch, having a good old-fashioned couch session over a couple glasses of something wet. It’s been a few years since we’ve done that – since I’ve been able to do that with any of my friends – but I’d have made the drive all over again just for those couple hours…. And I got the rest of my money’s worth before the weekend was out.
I spent the first half of Saturday responding to 3 of 6 mandatory essay questions for my comprehensive exam and then my girlfriend and I shuffled over to the reunion banquet. One of my childhood mentors who became sort of like a godfather to me was one of the highlighted speakers. He came over to me and almost made me cry telling me how proud he was of me. He prefaced those words with, “If I never get the chance to tell you again…” and it drew my attention to the age and wear on his face. I wondered how much longer I’d have him around and it took me back to the night I had that same conversation with my big brother. Hopefully I wont have to mourn the loss of either one of them for many, many years. I knew my girlfriend and I weren’t going to stay the whole night at the event but I made sure to stay for his speech. He actually dedicated a portion of it to me, telling the audience how he’d known me most of my life and was so proud of the fact that he was instrumental at crucial points in my life and proud of who I have become. Again, I almost lost it, but I kept it together LOL.
There were a handful more people there that night that I knew, most of whom told me how much I had grown to look like my mother. It was like there was a page in the program that instructed anybody who knew her to say so LOL….smh. Its all good though, I am my mama’s child.
A quick drive by to see a couple high school friends at this cookout they were at and then we were off to a local bar near my girlfriend’s house. Saw a couple people I knew there too and I was having a ball with the girlfriend I went with and the other who we called to join us. It was a really good time and only got better when a guy I recently reconnected with came there to hang out with me. I was missing one girlfriend who I definitely owe some time on the next trip, but still, it was the best night I’ve had in a really long time.
I came back to Jersey yesterday and between last night and this morning, finished the last 3 essays I needed to submit for my exam. Now that its really over, I feel the lifted load. It will be 4 to 6 weeks before I know my final grade but Im holding a 3.5 cumulative GPA right now so I feel good about it. Tonight Im supposed to go to a Motown review down in Times Square with a friend of mine. No better way to celebrate than with a Motown review, right? A couple of drinks and a shimmy or two and then its back to life as I know it. Still have some hurdles to clear but Im optimistic. I hope yall had a good weekend too.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Sooooooo.....
I turned in my last assignments and finished my last paper. All there is left to do is pass my comprehensive exam the first week of August and I will possess a Masters in Psychology with a concentration in Criminology and Justice Studies. Wow. And to think I did it all on a whim, just because at the time I had nothing better to do. I should have gotten up this morning feeling like I was on top of the world and nothing could stop me but unfortunately, I was completely exhausted. I will attempt this tomorrow though. I will make an attempt to pretend like I have the energy to conquer the world because I should have such energy. One day soon I will actually have the energy. Tonight I am happy that there are no more assignments, no more rushing home on Monday and Thursday nights and no more stressing about whether I had done enough. Next weekend I will return to my adolescence, joining hands and hearts with those I came into adulthood with, celebrating my 20th high school reunion. Damn. 20 years. How quickly the time passes.
My kids' father got out of prison yesterday after four and a half long years. I wish I was here to witness the smiles and laughter that ensued when he rang the bell but its enough to know that it occurred and my children's hopes were renewed. I can only hope that he will make good on his promises to make up for the time lost. I pray for direction for him and success in his new goals and for mine....
My kids' father got out of prison yesterday after four and a half long years. I wish I was here to witness the smiles and laughter that ensued when he rang the bell but its enough to know that it occurred and my children's hopes were renewed. I can only hope that he will make good on his promises to make up for the time lost. I pray for direction for him and success in his new goals and for mine....
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Sigh....
Unless you've been under a rock somewhere, you've heard by now that George Zimmerman was found not guilty tonight of the murder/manslaughter/life-taking/whatever of Trayvon Martin. I can't say I am surprised. I mean... we're talking about Florida - the state that quite notoriously has helped steal elections and also acquitted Casey Anthony of the murder of her own daughter. But it isn't even about Florida. Its about America. Land of the free and home of the brave does not apply to all of us and its a sad day when the criminal justice system in any state sends the message that the lives of young black people are worth less than dogs. Remember Michael Vick? Yeah. He did what, 3 years for not himself killing dogs but being an enabler of dog killing? But a man who was told by authorities not to follow someone took it upon himself to not only follow that person but to engage and take his life is free tonight. No, I am not surprised, but it doesn't make me any less disgusted.
My son is 15 years old and he could very well find himself in that same situation on any given day so my heart bled for those parents. But I don't think you even have to be a parent to see what was wrong with this picture. Im not gonna write a new book of the bible, ranting about my disappointment. What I am going to do is ask that you not show your anger through rioting. It wont bring Trayvon back, it wont put Zimmerman in jail, however, it may land YOU there. Rioting is nothing more than an unproductive temper tantrum that does nothing but make us look like we are worthy of the shitty treatment we're given. I'm also going to ask that you continue to pray for the family of Trayvon Martin and while you're at it, pray for the family of George Zimmerman too because I'd be really surprised if he's not dead within 60 days....
P.S. I think I wanna be a lawyer again.
My son is 15 years old and he could very well find himself in that same situation on any given day so my heart bled for those parents. But I don't think you even have to be a parent to see what was wrong with this picture. Im not gonna write a new book of the bible, ranting about my disappointment. What I am going to do is ask that you not show your anger through rioting. It wont bring Trayvon back, it wont put Zimmerman in jail, however, it may land YOU there. Rioting is nothing more than an unproductive temper tantrum that does nothing but make us look like we are worthy of the shitty treatment we're given. I'm also going to ask that you continue to pray for the family of Trayvon Martin and while you're at it, pray for the family of George Zimmerman too because I'd be really surprised if he's not dead within 60 days....
P.S. I think I wanna be a lawyer again.
Hey, You!
I know. I suck. But hey, I've been busy.
Between the random dates and school and trying to kick this smoking thing and every damn thing else I've been up to lately, there's really been no shortage of shit to write about but I just haven't had the energy to do it.
I can tell you that none of my recent suitors made the cut, although one was really close until he reverted back into a 12-year old boy when I wouldn't sleep with him. I mean really. I TOLD him when he invited me over that I wasn't going to and he SAID he was alright with that, so color me confused when it turned out he wasn't LOL. And he couldn't just throw a hissy fit right there on the spot like a normal loser, he kept pretending he was okay all through the next day's conversations, short and dry though they were, and didn't decide to not talk to me again until the day after THAT. Nigga SO??? LOL These dudes funny.
I can also tell you Im coming up on my last week of class. After that, I just have to pass my comprehensive exam and your girl will be an official Master of Psychology with a concentration in Criminology and Justice Studies. Yes, ma'am. Planning to stay at my job through the end of the year though - God willing - and then change lanes into something I can use it in. I need a new advisor though; he keeps trying to turn me into a corrections officer. #ifyoudontgetthefuck.....
NO.
I don't wanna be nowhere near nobody's sharpened toothbrushes and toilet bowl moonshine, thank you very much.
It also turns out that there is going to be a 20-year high school reunion weekend next month. My plan is to go but I got a lot going on and none of it's free LOL. So I'll have to take some time to determine if that trip makes fiscal sense. Just got tickets to take my daughter to see Justin Beiber though. I didn't get to see Michael, but at least she'll get to see her version and I will be the world's best mom for at least 2 months LOL
I guess that's it for now, I should probably act like I have kids to feed and, well..... feed them LOL. I'll holla.
Between the random dates and school and trying to kick this smoking thing and every damn thing else I've been up to lately, there's really been no shortage of shit to write about but I just haven't had the energy to do it.
I can tell you that none of my recent suitors made the cut, although one was really close until he reverted back into a 12-year old boy when I wouldn't sleep with him. I mean really. I TOLD him when he invited me over that I wasn't going to and he SAID he was alright with that, so color me confused when it turned out he wasn't LOL. And he couldn't just throw a hissy fit right there on the spot like a normal loser, he kept pretending he was okay all through the next day's conversations, short and dry though they were, and didn't decide to not talk to me again until the day after THAT. Nigga SO??? LOL These dudes funny.
I can also tell you Im coming up on my last week of class. After that, I just have to pass my comprehensive exam and your girl will be an official Master of Psychology with a concentration in Criminology and Justice Studies. Yes, ma'am. Planning to stay at my job through the end of the year though - God willing - and then change lanes into something I can use it in. I need a new advisor though; he keeps trying to turn me into a corrections officer. #ifyoudontgetthefuck.....
NO.
I don't wanna be nowhere near nobody's sharpened toothbrushes and toilet bowl moonshine, thank you very much.
It also turns out that there is going to be a 20-year high school reunion weekend next month. My plan is to go but I got a lot going on and none of it's free LOL. So I'll have to take some time to determine if that trip makes fiscal sense. Just got tickets to take my daughter to see Justin Beiber though. I didn't get to see Michael, but at least she'll get to see her version and I will be the world's best mom for at least 2 months LOL
I guess that's it for now, I should probably act like I have kids to feed and, well..... feed them LOL. I'll holla.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
