Throwback Season

Welp....... guess it's that time of year again. No, not the holidays. Throwback Season. You know - that 4 to 6-week period right before Cuffing Season officially starts, when the lazy and uninspired make another run at their exes and former boos before putting in the work to find something new to get into. You know me, I'm sentimental and shit, so I get a blast from the past and I'm like "I crossed your mind? Aww, how sweet..." (What? Muhfuckas miss me sometimes LOL) but as soon as I look at the calendar, I know what time it is. Some of y'all doing it wrong though, the trickery has got to stop! *taps mic* Can I have your attention, please?

First thing you wanna do is walk over to a mirror, look yourself in the face and ask, "Am I playing myself?" This is a serious question and you should be honest with yourself because you could ACTUALLY be playing yourself LOL. The truth of the matter is, a lotta you think of yourselves as a woman's Drake (baby, you my everything, you all I ever wanted) when most of y'all are our Carl Thomas (we wish we never met you). Not every dude we once rocked with can come back around, so if you answered "yes" to the above question, go back to the couch and resume that wack ass beta of Call of Duty Infinite Warfare, but if you honestly believe you have a holla, take your shot.

Next, announce yourself. You need to let her know she's up so she can respond accordingly and the best way to do that is by using the standard season's greetings: "What's up, Big Head" and "Hey, Stranger". That'll do. Don't get all cute and creative now, nigga.

Humble yourself. Try not to piss her off by a) reminding her of the fuck shit you did or b) calling out the fuck shit she did. Even if she was on some bullshit, pretend it doesn't matter anymore. Once you're back in her inbox, it doesn't.

Lastly, this is not the time to be talking about all the shit you wanna do to her, especially if you don't know with 100% certainty that the dick ain't trash. Many a man has been humbled by the "Nah."

Make no mistake, the rules apply to women too, but let's be real - the fellas be having Throwback Season on lock. Why? Rule #1. A man on a mission don't give a damn about his dignity but women don't generally operate so recklessly because we know if you pull a "Who this?" we might have to stab you LOL. You know good and damn well you already picking out the basketball shorts, socks and flip flops you gonna answer the door in when we come over to chill but you tryna stunt. Ain't nobody got time for that. But the other reason we leave this shit to y'all? 95 times out of 100, we don't want ya asses back LOL.... that is, not until you show up and convince us that the worst thing we could ever fucken do in life - dealing with yo simple ass again - is actually a good idea. Crazy thing is, you quite often do, so if you haven't taken any shots by now, with just a couple weeks left in the game, what are you doing with your life? Get your shit together! LOL