Sunday, June 24, 2012

The Road to Nowhere

So yesterday I get a phone call.

We talk maybe 30 minutes, then she makes a comment that lets me know she’s at this dude’s house who I cant stand. NEVER could stand this dude, and she’s dealt with him on and off, long enough to know that this muthafucka aint shit, never been shit, and never gonna be shit….. but I hold my mule.

We talk another 15 minutes or so, and somewhere in the leisure of having one hand free, she finds herself picking up the cell phone now vibrating on the table – a suspect text from another woman. He’s in the shower, so interest piqued and means in hand, she scrolls through the inbox to find even more evidence of his fuckery with this woman (or other women, I was unclear because I didn’t ask). “He’s such a fucken liar,” she whispers. “Ima curse his ass out.” I shake my head and try to change the subject, but she’s more interested in the phone in her hand than the one to her ear, so… “Aight, Ima let you go rehearse your monologue. I’ll talk to you later.”

Some hours go by and I get another phone call. I wasn’t going to answer it when I saw who it was, but something told me to pick up the phone. So I did. Rumor has it, “some dude” beat her up. I call her. No answer.

Considering the source, I chose to be still. Details would flow soon enough and I could make a follow up call to find out what had happened. Long story short, when confronted with the texts and her “leaving and never coming back” dude flipped out. She wanted to call me right after, having spoken to me right before, but she was in a bad way at the time and didn’t want to set off that alarm she knows is hardwired in me. I listened to the details, asking questions for clarity but saying very little otherwise. He (physically and verbally) assaulted her and kept her there for almost two hours. Despite the facts – her scrolling through his phone and knowing he wasn’t shit to begin with – there was no mitigation for his behavior.

*please enjoy this hold music while I gather my thoughts*

Cheating (for simplicity) shows weakness. A man who puts his hands on a woman is a coward. Do you see the correlation?

You know how the old people say “If you’ll lie, you’ll cheat, if you’ll cheat, you’ll steal, and if you’ll steal, you’ll kill?” You’d hear that, take it literally, and be like “nah, not really” but in the grand scheme of things, what that adage is saying is that a lack of values breeds all kinds of wrongdoing. Cheating and stealing both encompass lying, and how far would one go to protect a lie? Those movies on Lifetime? A lot of them are true stories. Im just saying.

I wasn’t going to blog about this, but I’ll tell you why I did.

I woke up this morning to a quiet house. I made my coffee, got online, and perused my FB. I saw some vacation photos that created a bit of a lump in my throat and though instinct told me to scroll past as fast as I could, I forced myself to look at them and deal with what I was feeling.

When you don’t deal with your emotions, you become prisoner to them. They pop up with no warning, influencing us to act, usually without the luxury of thought, which is how most of us end up going back down roads that we already know lead to nowhere we wanna be. That random “I miss you” or “I still love you” text, email or phone call from the “right” wrong person will be all it takes for most of us to start peeking through the chain on the door. Well let me just SEE what s/he talking bout. If you’ve done that dance two or more times before, trust me when I say they aint talking bout a damn thing different than they were the last time you hit the door on they asses, so slam that shit shut, bolt it tight and throw on the police bar for good measure. They may not have been abusive. They may not have been cheaters. But for whatever reason, they were toxic and you made a decision that you deserved better.

Don’t you still?

Sunday, June 10, 2012

#sograteful

I am so grateful for everything that I have.

My son decided he wanted to be a knucklehead this year and get so far behind in math that he had to just about perform a miracle in order to graduate. I sit here today grateful that I raised a son capable of doing just that......My daughter drives me nuts with her "riddle of the day" and her "Mommy, can we play 'hands up to 85?'" but I am grateful our relationship is one where she wants nothing more than to be up under me all the time..... and play her guitar, of course LOL. #supportyourkids

I am grateful to have this beautiful roof over my head and the ability to sustain it, even if only barely. The peace of living WHERE I want to live has only fueled the drive to live HOW I want to live. #presson

I am fairly certain my relationship wont last the summer, but I am completely grateful to have experienced it and to know that if and when it does end, it will be amicable and in good conscience. #loveyoufirst

I am grateful to have learned to leave the past where it is and not toil over the happenings in the lives of others. I dont care when someone else is wearing my old digs. I've outgrown them. They no longer fit. #letgo

I am grateful to have learned not to measure the quality of my life by comparing it to that of others. Even if we seem to be in the same place, we may not have traveled the same distance to get there or brought along the same amount of baggage. #packlight

I am grateful that my painful experiences have composed me, not defined me, and I am grateful that I choose to reflect upon the lessons I learned in those times, rather than the times themselves, accepting that things are exactly as they were meant to be. #moveon

There is so much in my life I COULD complain about, but I am so blessed its not even funny. As little as I'd say I have, there are people who would kill for it - HAVE killed for it.... DIED for it..... Peace. There are few things in our universe more valuable because nobody can give it to you and nobody can take it away - it comes from within. Its the beauty and grace of God in you - at least, that's how it feels to me. The appreciation of just being here on this earth to witness the sun and the rain and the flowers and even those annoying fucking ants that seem to want to terrorize me wherever I go LOL.... acknowledging the growth you've experience in your journey and knowing no matter what point you're at, it could have always been worse.

You could still be the "you" you were THEN....

Think about it.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Sharing is caring

Im in full swing right now with interviews and opportunities so I thought I would share some good pointers I've picked up, for people looking for a job in sales. Im sure some of this is valid for non-sales roles too, but particularly for sales. Landing the job is the first deal you ever close for that company, so never forget your sales ABC's: "Always Be Closing".



Rule #1: In order to get a job, you have to pretend you really, really want it, even when you really dont LOL.

Sometimes we interview for other jobs because we have decided we hate the one we have. We may want to switch streams and go into another line of work, but the simplest route is to transition into a role relatively similar to the one you are in, but pays more. Even if you hate your line of work, you cant let on that your intention is to get a foot in the door, learn the ins and outs of the company, and then change lanes. Pretend you eat, sleep, breathe and shit that line of work LOL.


Rule #2: In order to make an employer want you, they have to believe other employers want you.

Not always, but often an interviewer will ask if you are currently interviewing with other companies and how far you are in the process with them. They might be the first callback you even got, but dont you dare let them know that LOL. Saying that you are in talks with other companies paints you as a hot commodity and creates a sense of urgency. It also tends to increase what they are willing to pay you if they like you, because they know they are up against other offers and they want you to choose them.


Rule #3: Dont burn bridges.

Even if you get the "thanks, but no thanks" email the next day, be cordial and thankful for the opportunity in an email back. Dont be salty because you were not chosen to advance in the selection process. Sometimes they mean it when they say they didnt think the role they were filling was really a good fit for you. Sometimes they come back with an alternative position they would like to consider you for. Now if your email reply said "fuck you then" they probably wont extend that opportunity LOL


Rule #4: Dont just wear a suit. Dress for the job.

Regardless of what you say in interviews, your appearance sometimes speaks volumes to the contrary. Some places are looking for you to interact with C-level execs. Show up looking like a C-level exec. Some places really want someone fresh out of college, who's full of energy and unjaded. Dont wear pearls LOL. Approach the interview the way you would approach the job. They want to be able to envision you in that role, so you should be in character before you even step off the elevator.


Much of this is common sense, but some isnt. Anyone over the age of 30 has been conditioned to a certain way of interviewing and jobhunting, but the game has changed quite a bit in the last 10 years. Still, some things have stood the test of time and will always be the expectation..... always send a thank you email after an interview (if they dont automatically hand you a business card, ask for one before you leave), always bring at least 2 copies of your resume with you and lastly, I dont care who tells you you dont have to because you dont have "that kind of job" always give 2 weeks notice when you quit. They might very well tell you its not necessary and send your ass home that day, but let them make that decision. Its simple professional courtesy. Remember rule #3: dont burn your bridges!

all this being said, if I dont have a job by the end of the month, these rules are all null and void LOL.