Friday, June 24, 2011

Told Yall OJ Did It

http://celebs.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474979495014

"OJ Simpson has reportedly told Oprah Winfrey that he murdered his wife, but in self-defense. Just when you thought this fiasco had been laid to bed, after the Juice's nixed memoir "If I Did It", OJ has come out with this baffling revelation.

As one of the most grievous mishaps in the history of the American justice system, Simpson, of course, was found not guilty for the double murder of his wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her reputed lover, Ronald Goldman, back in 1995. Oprah Winfrey made headlines recently saying that one of her biggest career regrets was not getting Simpson to confess to the killing. Now, it appears her wish has come true. Reports state that Simpson told one of her producers in an interview from jail that he knifed ex-wife Nicole in self-defense - a confession he will now repeat to the talk show queen during a spectacular televised sit down interview.

Daily Mail reports, "Simpson is currently serving a nine-year sentence at Nevada's Lovelock Correctional Centre, after he was convicted of robbery and kidnapping in Las Vegas in October 2008, after a botched heist to retrieve his own memorabilia he said was stolen by dealers."

As for the details of how OJ said it went down, "[I] didn't like the way she treated me in front of the kids at the restaurant. I didn't like that she was routinely having guys have sex with her at her condo with the kids there. I went over there to give her a piece of my mind." When he arrived and no one answered at the house, he started pounding the door and shouting, according to the report. The door allegedly then swung open and Nicole was standing there with a kitchen knife in her hand. O.J. told the producer, "she was yelling go away! Go away! And waving the knife around at me. At one point she was lunging at me with the knife and I was just trying to talk to her. Nicole stepped out of the apartment - slashing the knife in the air. I was in such a rage that something just snapped. I couldn't take her constant taunting of me with other men or her using drugs and drinking while my kids were living with her. I went berserk. Before I knew what I was doing I took the knife away from Nicole and started slashing at her. I cut her over and over again until she was lifeless. I was shocked at my own anger - I had killed the woman I had loved for so long..."'

The question of many people's minds is: Why now? Everybody knows you got away with murder, OJ. Must you keep reminding us, and more importantly, the family members and loved ones of those affected by the tragedy?"

*********

Gotcha, bitch.

LOL

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Glad Its Over

I am so glad that’s over.

Man……. Listen. I never back down from a challenge, but that 30 letter thing was really starting to get on my nerves. Im sure you sensed the cynicism in a few of them. The “subjects” were so similar that I felt like I was writing the same letter over and over at points, and clearly, to the same people, so I had to consciously redirect my thoughts to fit someone else into that category, as not to bore you. Im sure that was kind of the point – being forced to think outside the box – but if Im subbing someone in, then Im not really fulfilling the request. Do you want me to write about the person I most wanna punch in the face, or the person I second-most wanna punch in the face, because I already wrote about the most punchy? LOL See what Im saying? The letter topics just didn’t have enough range.

The challenge probably would have been better also if the letters were just topics to write about, as opposed to a letter TO someone. I found it rather confining.

I’d have liked to have comprised a different list – substituted some of the topics for some less…. elementary. This shit felt like a fucken high school chain letter or some shit LOL. I’d have liked a living list – one where I don’t see the topic until the day before I have to write it – in effect, keeping me from prepping ahead of time, like I know at least one of my friends is doing *side eye* LOL . Maybe different challenges like “a haiku about your boss” or “an ode to what you had for lunch today” or a rap – 16 bars about …… gum LOL. Something. That would have been interesting. Fun even. This challenge called for more emotion than I really cared to swim in for a whole damn 30 days, but I guess it got my ass in here every day. #silverlining

Im game to do another one at some point, but for right now, I just wanna go back to life LOL.

My new laptop came yesterday. I put in this disc that I have been shielding and pining over all this time, and my gotdamn books aint even on the muthafucka LOL. A lot of my earlier stuff was on it, along with some pictures I saved from my old laptop before it went to Jesus, LOL, but the books weren’t. So now I have to go home and find the disc they’re on. Ima be mad as hell if I gotta redo all that shit…… well….. I guess that’s why God invented scanners…………… *pause*………………. Oh hush! LOL

Im excited to get back to it. The last time I can remember actually working on one of them was…… hmmmmm……. Damn, did I work on them at all at my last house? You know, I don’t think I have since before I moved there, and that was 2007. Damn. Im sleep out this bitch, LOL. I guess that means I got a lot of work to do. Im up for it though. Im ready. Lets do it.

Yall be easy. I’ll holla.

Postponed: Letter to My Reflection In the Mirror

Prior to this challenge, I started writing an introspective - sort of an ode to my reflection in the mirror - and I dont want to short that piece by posting something, off the cuff, on the same topic. It's not finished. In fact, I started writing it, got interrupted, saved it, and never went back to it, but I will make it a point to go back and finish it and post it ASAP. Gimme a couple days, I got shit to do LOL.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Letter to Someone You Want to Tell Everything To But Cant

Baby Boy,

I want to tell you everything, but I cant.

I fear that thirty-five-year old truths would be too much for your thirteen-year old mind. Mature, you are, but I still stand strong in my reserved parental right to shield you from as much as possible, to allow you to believe in things like dreams ….. and fairies …… and mama’s perfection, for just a little while longer. There will be time enough for heartbreak, disappointment and confusion, trust me. Very soon, there will be little I can do to protect you from it, so please excuse my selfishness, as I hold for dear life to your last remnants of innocence, before they are gone forever.

When I see you are ready, I will slowly introduce you to some of the realities of life, and sit you down for explanations of realities you are beginning to experience in your own. You are already beginning to see what I mean when I say certain things. I dread the day you no longer need explanation, indicating that you are all too familiar, and nothing of the innocence remains.

One day you will hopefully see for yourself that no matter what anybody else will try to tell you, being a parent is the hardest job you will ever have. The balance between preparing children for life and shielding them from it is the Big Foot of parenthood – the thing you don’t know if you will ever find, but never stop looking for. I hope, when you enter those times, you reflect on things your mama said, and realize the fight we won was bigger than you and me both.

Love, Mom

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Letter To Someone Who Changed My Life

So many people I have encountered have changed my life, I have to address this letter to you all;

If you taught me how to love,

If you showed me who I was,

If you made me believe I could be more than I thought I was,

If you taught me about human nature,

If you led me to my true passion in life,

If you came from my womb,

If you broke my heart,

If you loved me,

If I loved you,

If you sat on my couch,

If you have been any significant part of my life....

I thank you.

Every person I come across affects me in some way or another, and I think every interaction has a direct impact on the next. Some of those effects are immediate and short-lived, while others may take time to show and are lasting. Either way, life is a process and our experiences make us who we are, so thank you to everyone with whom I have had an experience - good or bad. Thank you for making me..... me.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Letter to The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Dear Shirley,

When I saw the task for today, I knew this letter was going to you. You are, hands down, the friendliest person I have ever known for a day. It wasn’t even a whole day, more like a few hours, but I grew to love you just that fast.

We were waiting for the same, delayed flight. Both you and I made trips to the counter to find out what was going on, exchanging grumbles about the incompetence of the airline staff, and snippets of our previous experiences with it. It was already long past our departure time, when they finally told us that it would be at least another hour. “Im going to the bar,” you said, and I knew you were my kinda girl LOL.

I found out you were in the Airforce, on your way to a training op in Germany. Twenty-two years, you said. Wow. You barely looked a day over 30. You were funny as hell, making me and the barkeep laugh for that whole time, waiting for the plane, and we got to sit together once we boarded, too. You spent the whole ride asking me about my boyfriend, who I told you was in the Navy, and what our relationship was like. You offered words of advice and encouragement about how to love a military man, and I left feeling like I had the keys to the kingdom.

I was so excited to have met you, I told my boyfriend all about you, when we talked. I told him all the stories you told me, all the advice you had for us and he was glad that I had met you too. I couldn’t wait to talk to you on Facebook when I got home, but I couldn’t find you. You couldn’t find me either, but luckily, I had given you my business card. You called me at work that next day and we figured it out. We have been checking in ever since. Matter of fact, its been a few weeks. I need to touch base and see if you got to go to Afghanistan or not. I know you were so looking forward to the possibility. Im sending a care package this weekend to another friend of mine, who is stationed over there. Being with my baby and meeting you have made me want to do everything I can to support our folks overseas. If it were either of you over there, I'd want people to look out for you, too.

Anyway, I love you, girl! It was such a pleasure to have met you and I really do hope we have the opportunity to meet again.

Over and out.

Forever, Dig

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day

I couldnt believe some of the Facebook statuses today, from guys upset that they didnt get a card or anything.

How many women out here dont get Mother's Day stuff - EVER - and still carry on happily with their motherly duties every day? Since when do parents do it for the thanks? Your child's love and respect should be its own reward. I bet a lot of crappy fathers got cards today and are walking around feeling accomplished, when they aint did shit for their kid since it slid out the cooch, and you got the nerve to complain that you didnt get anything? If you are a good father, you did get something. You got the pleasure of spending time with that child today, and you get the honor of developing that child into a contributing, law-abiding member of society. You cant buy that at Hallmark.

Grow up.

Rep One time

Letter to My Last Pinky Promise

This one's easy. I've never made a pinky promise LOL.

BUT...

Dear Friends,

I dont make promises of any kind very often, but the ones I do make are kept. I believe anything deep enough for you to have to put your word on is deep enough to be given a level of priority that ensures it happens..... or doesnt happen, as the promise may be. I wish more people felt that way, as over the years, a person's word hasnt held much value, but I thank and respect those of you who have always made a point to do what you say you're going to do, when you say you're going to do it. You know who you are.

Forever, Dig

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Letter to Someone going thru the Worst Time

Hey you,

I know a couple of people who are going through things at the moment, myself included, but all things considered, if I weighed it all out, I would say you have the most going on. It's weird to say that, because you never complain, and in our interactions, it would be hard to tell that you have eight hundred different things going 120 mph in your world, but that just makes me even more drawn to you. A person who can deal with adversity and not wear it on their sleeves is one to be admired.

You like to credit me for being the reason you handle the madness so gracefully, and while I am humbled, I think you give me too much credit. It's always nice to have someone in your corner who is there for you, without judgment, but there has to be something inherent to a person that allows them to see around the mess, as opposed to wallowing in it. We all know people who refuse to be anything but oppressed, and I am happy you are not one of them.

In less than a year's time, all your current storms will be things of the past, and you will stand tall in victory. When we think about how long it takes us to get into some of the situations we do, that is certainly not a lot of time. I continue to pray your strength in the Lord, and I know when its all said and done, you will have one hell of a testimony. Keep your head up.

Forever, Dig

Friday, June 17, 2011

Letter to Who Gave Me My Favorite Memory

Dear 620,

I had no idea how I was going to choose a person to write this letter to. I couldn’t even isolate any one memory to say was my favorite. I have had so many good times with so many different people, to choose would be impossible, so I had no other choice than to address this letter to you; the scene of the crime LOL.

From cookouts and parties with dozens of people, to intimate evenings with just me and channel 843, I have had the most memorable times while living there. Strangely enough, I even sometimes still live there in my dreams. At times, its hard to believe that I don’t anymore. Part of me felt like I would always live there. I have friends who tell me they drive past you every now and feel strange not being able to stop. I drove past one weekend, while I was visiting, and it felt weird to me too. Good ole 620. *sigh*

I use to think that I wanted a home that was all decked out, looking like something off some high life TV drama. Now that I kinda do, I enjoy it, but I realize its not where you live, but how you live. At 620, someone was always dropping by – whether scheduled, or approved in a text from the driveway LOL. Simple nights at home, watching TV, were rarely spent alone. The cookouts were hysterical at worst, from double dutching con people to babies being thrown up on to stripper poles and youtube videos – those times will be tough to match, but I will always want that type energy for my home. Tears and laughter sometimes came all at once, but there was a lot of emotion in that living room. Im sure glad those walls cant talk!

So here’s to you, 620. For every time the cops came knocking, or the bar went dry – here’s to you!

Forever, Dig

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Letter to the Last Person I Kissed

Hey Midgets!

I know "they" thought I'd write this letter to someone else, but you guys were my last kiss, as I kiss you both every night before bed, and in the morning when we leave to start our day.

I want you both to know that you mean the world to me and that everything I do is for you. You are the reason I get out of bed every morning and run this rat race. Baby girl, helping you with your math every day is sure to put some additonal grays in my head, but its such a rewarding feeling when I coach you enough on one problem, that you figure out the next one all by yourself. My smart little mama is gonna run this country some day. And baby boy, I cant believe how much you are growing. You are almost tall as me now! Dont get it twisted though, I will still bust you up, if you get outta line! LOL

Mommy loves you both very much and I apologize for the changes you have had to go through this year. I know as hard as it has been for me, its been difficult for you as well, and I hope you know everything I have done has been in the best interest of you guys. We are still ironing things out, but I promise, it will all be back to normal soon.

Love forever,

Mom

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Letter To My Second Chance

Hey Love,

As you read through my blog, you will learn more about me than I can ever tell you myself. One thing you will find is that I am a firm believer of second chances - when one deserves them. I dont tend to give them in the relationship realm, as I believe an ex is an ex for a reason, and the one or two times in the past, when I have thought to make an exception, proved that theory. Luckily for you, we never had a relationship to begin with, preventing you from even being an "ex" and allowing me the opportunity to examine the situation without prejudice.

The decision was an easy one. You never wronged me in any way, or gave me any reason to believe you had ill intent. Our would-be romance fell victim to parental control, and twenty years later, I have to believe we are no longer in any danger of that LOL.

Our journey thus far has been absolutely amazing, and I can only be grateful. It wasnt just me giving you a second chance, but YOU giving US one, and I promise to never take that for granted. I hope you wont either.

Forever, Dig.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Letter To Someone I Judged on First Impression

Dear homie,

You already know this, as we have discussed it a thousand times over the years, but when I first met you, I didnt want anything to do with you LOL.

You were loud, ghetto, country, and a host of other things that I just did not find appealing in a friend. In fact, instinct told me you were a mess of drama just waiting to happen and that I should stay as far away from you as humanly possible LOL. But as fate would have it, we found ourselves thrown together by outside forces, and when I actually got a chance to get to know you........ well, I was right LMAO! You were loud, ghetto and country LOL. But you were also one of the sweetest people I had ever met and you just needed a little.... shaping LOL.

Today, you are still loud, ghetto and country LOL, but you've grown into quite a different woman than the one I met all those years ago. Im proud of who you've become. I dare say that I would have done myself a great injustice, had I deprived myself of your friendship, because it has been one of the most genuine and rewarding relationships I have had the pleasure of having, and I hope that you can say the same.

Forever, Dig

Monday, June 13, 2011

Letter to The One That Broke My Heart The Hardest

What up,

I dont think I have ever given a blow by blow on this blog about what occurred between us, and I wont do that today either. Things happened. I left. Its as simple as that, but you know you hurt me in a place where there is no coming back from.

While you and I will NEVER be together again, I love the fact that we have managed to get past the events of the past to rebuild a friendship. You are a great father to our children, and that is the only thing I will ever want from you.

What I want FOR you is for you to stop thinking that you are not subject to the rules that govern everyone else. Personally, professionally, legally, and every other life aspect that ends in "ly", that has always been your problem. You cant control everything and everybody. Even if you manage to manipulate some, karma will always be the equalizer. As you take a look around at your current circumstances, I hope you finally see that not even you can escape that. Maybe its time you start to approach life and your relationships with people differently. Im saying, just maybe.

Forever, Dig

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Letter to Someone Who Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad

No one pesters my mind. I really dont let anyone's bullshit bother me for too long - definitely not long enough to stay on my mind when I dont want it there. The thing that has been pestering me most lately is this situation with my job and the decisions I have to make regarding that.

Dear Washington,DC-

You are a lovely city, and once upon a time, I definitely saw myself living there, but now that I have settled into my NYC/NJ digs, I really can't imagine making that move. Of course, I would do it if I absolutely had to, but you have to understand the situation that I am in.

I uprooted my family and moved for an opportunity that I couldnt pass up - a prestigious job, making more money that I could ever make upstate, and a free pass out of a city that was sucking me dry. I wanted to show my children something more, and I knew I couldnt do that there, afraid to step out of what was comfortable. I was told that my job could be in DC or NY, but at the time I signed the papers, NY was the location.

My kids have only been her for six months, enrolling in school and adjusting to their new environment. To move them again, so soon, is just not something I want to do. Aside from that, my contract status is not being changed at the moment, and the program I am working with is not really doing what it was thought to do, rendering it vulnerable to elimination. Those things, coupled with the fact that I would not be eligible, as a contractor, for any relocation assistance, equals no incentive for me to inconvenience myself with another life change. I just dont see the security in making that move.

At this point, I have more "active" friends in the DC area than I do here, in the NYC/NJ area, but no family at all, let alone close members that I could fall on if things went south. I was perfectly willing to move to DC initially, should that be where the position required me to be, but that wasnt the case, and I just feel like asking me to move again now is unfair, especially having to do it on my own.... again..... but until and unless I find something else, I have to keep it an open option.

I dont know for sure what I am going to do, but I am sure that I will do whatever I deem best for myself and my family, and I hope you approve. If you dont.... to hell wit ya.

Forever, Dig

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Letter to the Me I Desire to Be

Charged with the task of a letter to me
Or moreso, the “me” I wish I could be
I cant say I’ve ever looked at me from a view
Of what, if I could, I would be, or would do
I’ve always felt capable, though often times lazy
In retrospect, all the time I wasted was crazy
So I guess that’s the first thing that I would adjust
The second, the size of this double D bust
Now, now, baby, I know that you love it
But youre not the one who has to lug it around………. *sighhhhhhh*

ANYWAY.....

Physically otherwise, I’d say I was good
There’s no other feature I’d change if I could
I love who I am, so Im pretty content
But I also know God is not through with me yet
Wish I was more driven though, that I admit
Too easily comfortable with every day shit
Im told all the time that my writing’s admired
And I could probably set the literary world on fire
If I could just lock in to the focus required
But shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit…………….. I be tired, yo LOL

But don’t trip.

Ima get it together.
They tell me that late is better than never
So Im not gonna waste any more time wishing
When I already know what the journey’s been missing
I rest on my laurels, I've been too laid back
But maybe its time for my plan of attack
So I'll tweak this manuscript, and go shop a deal
And hope that they feel me like yall do – for real
But if not, don’t worry, I’ll still hit the shelf
Cause sometimes………

Sometimes ya just gotta do shit yaself.

Forever, Dig

Friday, June 10, 2011

Letter to Someone From My Childhood

Dear MJ

When I was a kid, there was no one on earth cooler than you. In my mind, we’ve been married since I was eight, and now that you are gone, I carry true widow’s sorrow.

I remember the first time I saw the picture of you in the yellow vest and bow tie. I tore it out of one of my older sisters’ magazines and hung it up on our bedroom wall, by the window. I stared and stared at that poster. Any time I was in that room, I was staring. I thought you were so beautiful. You had the kind of eyes that just pierced my entire eight-year-old soul. On the other wall, over my bed, was the Thriller album. It hung on the wall, leafs spread, to display your slim physique, in its entirety, lain gracefully on the floor, baby tiger climbing over you. That was dope. I used to lay in my bed, in that same pose, facing you, pretending that we were lying together, having eight yr-old pillow talk LOL. Damn right, Billie Jean was not his lover. I’ll kick Billie Jean’s ass LOL

Mmmm….I remember Motown 25. The Jacksons performed and then all of a sudden, everybody left you on the stage alone and my eyes were glued to the tv. I didn’t know what was about to happen, but then you began to sing….. and dance! I remember jumping up and down, ever so slightly, as not to get yelled at by my mom. I was so excited. I felt so much emotion build up inside me, I thought I might explode, and then you hit that moonwalk. It was over for me. I started crying my little eyes out, LOL. You had my heart from that moment on, and I would never let anyone, from that day on, say a bad word about you. I have put people out of my house, hung up the phone on ‘em, and refused to talk to ‘em until they apologized, for someone saying something wrong about you. Even now, with you gone, somebody would be calling a ride, messing around LOL. I don’t play games when it comes to you, Mike. People better know LOL.

My letter was supposed to be to someone from my childhood and I define mine, in great proportion, by you. Everything was you. Posters and buttons and t-shirts and notebooks with hearts between our names. I was gonna be Ebony Jackson LOL. Damn that Lisa Marie!........ In two weeks we’ll be celebrating your life again, one year after your death. I wonder if I can find a poster with you and that yellow vest.

Hmmmm…..




POW!!!

Forever, Dig

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Ja Rule Goes To Prison



http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/43321482


He was sentenced yesterday for charges he caught back in 2007.

"Police said they stopped Ja Rule's $250,000-plus Maybach sports car for speeding and found a loaded .40-caliber semiautomatic gun in a rear door. The gun wasn't registered, and he was charged under a New York law that generally bars people from having firearms outside their homes or workplaces."

So Ja's gonna be locked up for two years. He's facing another three, federally, on tax evasion, but if they give him any time at all, it will likely run concurrently with his state sentence - that is, if his lawyer is worth his salt.

He's also got an album coming out - "Pain Is Love 2" - in late July or early August.

I will keep my commentary to myself, but if you know me well enough, you know what I'm thinking LOL.

Letter to Someone In Another State

Dear CEO,

“We on the grind in (Georgia)…. All the time, it aint nothing on my mind but (Georgia)….. we aint playin wit ya!”

LOL every time I hear that song, I think of you. Its still your ringtone LOL.

What’s crackalackin? Its so funny that this would be the letter I had to write today, when I was just emailing with you earlier. Its been a little while huh? It sounds like you have been very busy, but I could tell that from your Facebook activities. Im glad things are working out the way you wanted. And see? It happened in a way that you didn’t have to make the hard decision – it was made for you. Take that as a sign that you are moving in the right direction. You already know its not gonna be easy, but you have the smarts and connections and drive to make it happen, and soon as you do, the metro midget will be on his way with his bags LOL.

Im so glad things are coming together and it was great catching up today. Even when we aren’t in touch, youre never too far from mind. I mean, seriously, your updates are all over every single one of my online accounts LOL. That aside though, we’re bonded. In touch or not, we gonna be homies for life…. or at least you better hope so, if you wanna have a say in who plays you in the movie of my life LOL!

Forever, Dig

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Letter to the Person You Miss Most

Hey Baby,

I miss you…. but I tell you that every day, so a letter would be stupid.

Forever, Dig

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Trauma

It was four years ago today.

I remember standing in the grass, outside my job, holding the phone to my ear, but only hearing every other sentence, as my mind bled in and out of focus. I was in such shock, my thoughts seemed like they were in a blender – just spinning around inside my head and making a lot of noise. It was a nice day. No. It was a BEAUTIFUL day. 82 degrees and sunny, with a breeze. I remembered seeing that on the sign outside the bank at lunch time. I wore a long, flowy skirt that day. I cant see what it looks like in my mind, but I know it was long and flowy because I can feel the wind blowing it against my legs, as I walk across the parking lot. My sandals had a wedge heel. I remember sliding my foot in and out of it against the curb, and then standing with one bare foot on the grass. The coolness of it brought me back from my fog. I hung up the phone and stood there, with my hair blowing in the breeze, occasionally getting stuck in my lip gloss. I must have stood there, in that one spot, fifteen minutes at least, just staring out at the buildings across from me and watching cars drive around the bend that led into and out of the business park. Then I went back inside, told my boss I needed to leave, and went home. It was a Thursday. I stayed home the next day.

Funny....... some days I cant remember what I had for breakfast.

Letter To Someone You've Drifted Away From

Dear friend,

I cant believe its been like fifteen years since the last time I spoke to you and….. wow…. seventeen years since I saw you last? Damn. That’s hard to imagine, the way we used to run together back in the day. You were my dawg, wit ya sneaky, lying ass LOL, but it was your business to lie about, so I was never mad at ya LOL . We understood each other. If someone had told either of us back in 92 that we’d be estranged in 2011, we wouldn’t have believed them – no one would have – but here we are, and I have no clue where or who or how you are.

The last time I remember seeing you was when you came to my college for that weekend in ’94. We went to the Alpha pageant and the after party, and just hung out the rest of the time. It was fun. I remember planning to come hang out on your campus soon after that, but things didn’t work out, for some reason I don’t remember, and we never got back around to it. I didn’t see you again after that, but we did speak a few times. I remember the following year when you called to tell me Nukimba got killed, and how I slid down the wall and just sat in that spot on the floor, crying and talking to you for hours. The last conversation I remember us having was when I was at home, senior year. You were on a bus to Connecticut, on your way to see….. mm. Maybe that’s what it was about. Is that why you fell off the face of the earth? Too bad – you were in the wrong, but it really wasn’t anything that would have put a wedge in our friendship, if you didn’t feel guilty about it. I really wish we could have sat and talked about it, rather than you assuming it was over, but I guess that’s how it goes sometimes. I just want you to know, I never stopped considering myself your friend.

I don’t know what you are doing with your life right now, but your godsister told me a while back that you moved to Atlanta, and no one ever really hears from you. I hope you are doing fabulously, and living the life you want, and I hope one day our paths will cross again and we can set aside any misunderstanding there might have been that forced this lapse in our relationship. I think about you from time to time and wonder if you are married, or if you have kids, and I miss you. I do hope you are well, and it’s a small world. Even if it takes a while, Im sure our paths will cross again…. Until then, you take care.

Forever Dig

Monday, June 6, 2011

Letter to Someone I Wish Could Forgive Me

Dear You,

I wish I could be more specific, but the truth of the matter is, I dont think there is anyone out there who I have wronged in a way such that they have not been able to see past it. However, I do realize that people sometimes are hurt by things that go unmentioned, and if that be the case, it probably was not my intention, and I apologize.

The truth of the matter is, Im selfish in my thinking. For example, the reason I am so non-judgmental is that I honestly dont give a shit what other people do, as long as it doesnt affect me LOL. Im just being real. I will talk to you about it all day, listen, analyze, and provide feedback as needed, and go right on about my day LOL. But at the point when what you are doing does begin to affect me, the conversations get real different. I've been known to be rather harsh with folks, at times, when they really get to trippin and need that reality check. Sometimes its the only thing that gets through to people. I could totally see me saying something that I felt a person really needed to hear, but being so direct in doing so, that their feelings are hurt. Again, never my intention, but my lack of intent does not negate your feelings, so again, if that be the case, I apologize.......... but if you stop being an asshole and doing asshole shit, we wouldnt have that problem in the first place LOL.

Just kidding.

Kinda.

Sorry.

Dig

Saturday, June 4, 2011

R.I.P. Clarice Taylor



Clarice Taylor, most famous for playing Dr. Cliff Huxtable's mother on "The Cosby Show" and Harriet on "Sesame Street," has died at the age of 93, of heart failure.

Shaq Retires



With career stats 28,596 points, 13,099 rebounds, 15 All-Star selections, four championships and three NBA finals MVP awards, Shaquille O'Neal has decided it's a wrap, after 19 years. When asked, he insisted he will not return, nor will he coach anyone but his three sons. Never been a fan myself, but come on, this is kind of a big deal.

Good luck to the not-so-gentle giant.

Letter to Who I Hate or Has Hurt Me The Most

Dear D.C.,

As much as I cannot stand some people, I don’t “hate” anyone. To hate a person, in my opinion, is to make yourself their emotional prisoner, and I won’t give anyone that type of power over me, as to make me feel that level of contempt. There have been moments, immediately following an incident, where I have been so on fire with somebody that in that moment, I almost do feel like I hate them, but you’d never be able to pull the same passion out of me, outside of that moment, and I surely wouldn’t care enough after the fact to be able to write a letter about it. It takes longer in some cases than in others, but I always manage to let go of that energy, for my own sake.

But I have an assignment to do, so this letter is for you.

It will surprise some people that I didn’t address this letter to my [capital] EX, if they know our story. I’ve said several times that he hurt me more than anyone ever had – not because he violated our relationship, but because he violated our friendship, and he did things that I would never have done to him. But over the last couple of years, I have come to the conclusion that as much as he hurt me, you actually did the most damage.

You were my first “real” boyfriend; my first relationship that lasted more than six months and didn’t exist solely over the telephone LOL. You were my first boyfriend to actually be introduced to my family as such, who I actually went out on dates with, laid on the couch, watching movies with and spewed “I love you” back and forth with. My first adult relationship. And it was good, while it lasted. Really good. You were so “together” – came from a good family, dressed nice, had a job, went to a good school and was going places. It was the first time in my life I actually thought I wanted to marry someone, even if, in retrospect, it was for the wrong reasons.

You went off to school and despite your heartfelt letters and “cant wait to get home’s” you decided, when you returned, that you didn’t know how to be my boyfriend anymore, only rather than just saying that, you lied. The lie you told was ten times worse – making me believe that you were forced to choose between me and the friendship you had maintained with your ex-girlfriend…. the ex-girlfriend who called a little too frequently and had a propensity for just intuitively showing up at places we were at… (mmhmm)... the ex-girlfriend who your mother lauded, prom picture still up on the mantle…..? Yeah, that reason was MUCH better. Then to add insult to injury, you broke up with me at, what was then, my favorite place in the entire world – the one place I went to for solace and a quiet space to write or just be. “I thought since it was your favorite place, it might be a little easier for you.” Really? That was some cold shit.

While it was my first “real” heartbreak, and I cried my eyes out for about a week, I eventually got on with my life, and this wasn’t the reason you are the recipient of this letter today. I chose you because I came to realize, a couple of years ago, that you broke me, and eleven years later, I was still cleaning up the mess you made.

Though I probably would have gotten with my EX eventually anyway, I got with him too soon after the mess with you, never really taking the time I should have to process and get over it, rather than just getting past it. Seven years later, after he and I split and I was finally ready to be back out on the scene, I felt like the Manchurian candidate. It was like someone had implanted a chip in my brain that made me do things I wouldn’t normally do and date people I would normally never give the time of day to, and you know what? That shit lasted for about five years before I realized that I was dating the same guy over and over again – the guy as far away from “you” as I could get. “You” was what I really wanted and what I really needed, but “you” hurt me, so, pain still riddling my subconscious mind, I went all the way to the other extreme; the “anti-you”. It was the biggest “a-ha!” moment of my life! When I brought it to the attention of the one person who knew me both before and after that time in my life, I saw the light bulb go on over their head too. “Yo, that is sooooo true!” I know.

It seemed a little crazy that something as rudimentary as a break up would have such an impact on my life all those years later, but the more I thought and analyzed myself, the more I knew it had, and when the dreams started up and wouldn’t stop, I knew it wasn’t enough to just acknowledge it. I had to confront it.

So I set out to find you, and I did – not nearly as awkward a phone conversation as I expected. In fact, two calls later, you apologized for breaking my heart the way you did, and explained that you had been struggling to exorcise your own demons. Strangely enough, it sounded like I had been a casualty of someone else having previously mishandled your affections. Funny how that works.

I made plans to see you, in an effort to quash whatever there was still inside me, and when it was all said and done, it was all I really needed to do. I needed to see you and say everything I felt, or thought I felt, and just purge myself of all emotional residue and then maybe, just maybe, I could get my life back. And you know what? I did. It wasn’t immediate – quite honestly, I didnt see anyone for a long time after that because I still didn’t trust myself – but that was a decision I would never have made before…. to pull myself clean off the market, not just as a break from the frustration of the pissed-in pool, but to channel my self-imposed agony into something productive on a personal level. You were still so “together,” dressed nice, had a good job and a shiny black car with Greek letters on the license plate, still going places. But I was free and ready to go some places of my own.

So thank you for being the catalyst of a series of events that effectually changed my life…… again. The irony of it all is that for a while there, I thought I might still be in love with you, but in the end, I was only ever in love with who I thought you were. I licked my wounds, and this time, I didn’t just get past it, I got over it. And you know what? I think Im gonna be alright.

Forever, Dig.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Letter to a Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To

Dear Aunt Judy,

Its been five long years since you passed, but for a while, every day that went by seemed like a year in itself, so it seems like its been a lot longer.

So much has happened since you’ve been gone – some bad, but mostly good – and while I’d kill for the opportunity to sit down with you and talk all about it, I know you’re aware. You’ve been right by my side all this time. I can actually feel you sometimes. I even think I hear your laugh in the distance, every now and then, when Im in a crowd of people. I pause, I smile, and I move along.

You know, I stopped my trips to the city after you died. With all the friends and other family I had there, there still didn’t seem to be anything left for me to go back for. Strangely enough though, four years later, I’ve MOVED down here LOL. Whodathunkit? I remember telling you I would never do it, but here I am. Well, officially, I live in Jersey, but its all the same. Still haven’t made my way over to the old block yet, but the weather has broken now and the kids are curious, so its on my list of things to do very soon.

I remember flying in on Thursday nights – it was always a Thursday night – and even though I normally stayed with Randy, who had the space, I would spend most of my time with you, down in 1J, hanging out and watching Law and Order, listening to Heather Headley. I cant even hear one of her songs now – doesn’t matter which one – without thinking of you. You always had some new, crazy drink you thought you had invented too, and I never had the heart to tell you that whatever it was this time, I had been drinking it for years LOL. I would just laugh and say “oooh, that’s good!” LOL You loved the smell and taste of my black and mild cigars, but you never bought your own LOL. You just waited til I was in town, to smoke them with me. I remember days sitting outside on your front stoop, watching you drag up the street, from work. You always smiled when you saw me, and called me “homegirl” LOL and you never let me go home without a big breakfast that morning; salmon croquets, turkey sausage, eggs, grits, toast….. you did it up!

Im not sad anymore when I think of you. Your absence has somehow sharpened the images in my head, of the times we shared. At times, its like I can smell the incense and taste the grits. I can hear the doorbell, see the brown linoleum pattern on the foyer/dining room floor, and the emerald green carpet in the living room. It’s all so vivid. I have nothing but happy memories of you, and although I know you are watching from your heavenly perch, I’d give anything for the chance to sit with you, just one more time…. Heather Headley in the background, blacks in hand, concoction at the ready….. chopping it up like we used to do, about life, men, family, and whatever else happened to be on the table that day, knowing the cancer doesn’t hurt anymore. Maybe this time, I could make YOU breakfast before you go. I know they probably make a banging salmon croquet up in heaven, but I’d do my best. And I'd send a plate back with you for Michael, to apologize for not choosing him as the recipient of this letter, but you know.... I think he'd understand.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Letter to Someone You Dont Talk To As Much As You'd Like

Dear Lord,

This may be an odd letter to address to You, since I talk to You every day already, but I feel like I could stand to do it a little more consistently than prayers at night and the occasional “Thank You, Jesus!” I shout when something goes my way. I know there is so much more that I should be doing.

Before I moved downstate, I was going to church pretty regularly. I realize that You are wherever I am, whether that’s in a pew or a pub, but I also understand the value of fellowship, and I tried to commit, at least to the level of not missing three Sundays in a row…. Hey. Baby steps. LOL …. But since I moved, I haven’t seen the inside of anybody’s church. Maybe that’s because, around here, the outside of everybody’s church is bright yellow, with a Spanish marquee, but I don’t wanna make excuses LOL.

So I bought a new bible, as mine got lost in the transition, and I said I was gonna start to read a little of it every day. And I did…… for like two days ……. but I put a pretty good dent in that Matthew! I read some real important sounding stuff! LOL I read enough in those two days to know that that old guy who was trying to tell me the world was ending on May 21 was full of….. stuff LOL.

And I do talk to You sometimes, just for no reason. I see something beautiful, while Im out walking, and I’ll thank You out loud for it. I pray right on the spot for anybody who requests spiritual support and whenever my children leave my side, I pray Your covering over them. So its not like I DON’T talk to You, I think I just acknowledge that I could be doing a lot more. Its so easy to fall out of a routine if you don’t give it enough chance to really cement into one, and I am starting to realize that when I look around and don’t recognize where I am, or how I got there, it’s a sign that I somehow lost my anchor. At a time like now, when I have so many big decisions to make, is when I really need to be able to not only come to You for direction, but also be able to hear You when You answer. And while that quack was wrong about May 21, I know You will be returning some day, and it wont be long, with all this craziness all around. I don’t wanna come up to the gate and have Peter tell me “see, we MEANT to put you on the list, you know, how you MEANT to finish reading that bible and how you MEANT to find yourself a new church? Yeah, like that. Our bad.” LOL…… that would be a bad day. I don’t want that.

So this is me, owning up to my own laziness and procrastination. I don’t make any excuses for it, I suck. I know. But You know my heart, Lord LOL. I’ll do better.

Forever, Dig

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Letter to Someone You Wish You Could Meet

Dear Nippy,

Some people reading this letter may not know that I am referring to the once "incomparable Whitney Houston," but as I sat here struggling with who I'd like to meet, you somehow popped into mind.

I remember the first time I heard you on the radio. I had no idea who you were, but I loved your voice more than life itself. Song after song, you took me to places my young mind never imagined. Then I found out how young you were - you were just nineteen at the time, very close in age with my oldest sister, making you relatable in a whole different way than any other singer I admired at that time. You were basically a kid yourself, making my own dreams, as scattered as they sometimes were, seem attainable. My friend and I sat for hours sometimes, trying to mimic your vocals and learn the proper notes on our shared keyboard to recreate your mastery, to no avail, but as close as some young buds could dream of coming.

Time and hits went by and oh my! "She married Bobby Brown???" As much as I fought it, I relented to the idea of how cool it was because the Right On magazines said so, and after while, I honestly was pretty ok about it. Then came the rumors. "Whitney is on drugs." I didnt believe it for one minute! How could you be on drugs? I saw "The Bodyguard" and you seemed great to me. So the acting could have used a few more lessons, but hey, I bought in! I even sang one of the songs from that movie for the talent portion of the homecoming pageant I was in, sophomore year in college, and I won, Whit! I won!

Then I saw it. Show after show, you started performing sort of haphazardly - unsure of the words, nevermind the melodies - and yelling into every mic within reach that Bobby Brown was the king of R&B. WTH??? Your wigs started looking crooked, you started sweating all profuse-like, and your already ultra-slim frame became that of a staircase railing. Even still, it wasnt until I saw you perform on Michael Jackson's 30th Anniversary special, clavicles all carved out and boots hanging on for dear life to your sad little legs and ankles, that I really knew things were bad. It broke my heart.

Rumors, videos, interviews, and one poorly thought out Bravo show.... and there was no more denying it. My Whitney was lost.

But then.... oh but then..... a glimmer of light. Rumors of a split between you and Bobby meant, to me, that you could come out of whatever darkness you had slipped into. An interview with Oprah (*eye roll*) and a new album, and I thought we were good to go. Then came the performances and the concerts and more damn rumors.... baby, ya killin me!

Its such a sad thing to think that someone so gifted, whose voice was nothing less than blessed by heaven itself, could fall into a cavern so deep that there is no hope for recovery. If I had the chance to meet you, I'd have questions - a lot of questions - and I'd only hope for honesty in your responses, which is probably unlikely from the mouth of an addict, but even if I couldnt sway you out of your madness, I would have the chance to tell you how much you once inspired me - inspired a planet - and let you know that your journey has not been in vain. Whatever you went through, you took me with you. You took all of us with you, and through all the jokes and commentary, I dont believe there is a person living that doesnt want to see you get better. I would love to just put your hand in mine and say, "I love you, girl," and hope that somewhere in there, the Whitney I fell in love with all those years ago is hearing me, and saying, "thank you, girl."

Forever, Dig